The Mysterious Disappearing Laptop

Those of you glued to the internet every day whilst pretending to work from home (you know who you are) may have noticed a slight decrease in my presence online. Alas, this is the result of the mysterious disappearance of my laptop.

A number of contributing factors came together last Saturday night which resulted in this mysterious disappearance.

1) Post baby shower party, my hands were too full of pressies to take laptop upstairs
2) Post baby shower party, boys are very drunk, impeding decision to switch on our very expensive alarm system due to the potential for night time snacks and toilet stops.
3) Perimeter wall defences are not yet completed - see recurring complaint regarding building work
4) Thief with very nice trainers and coathanger wire just happens to be passing by.

The disappearance of the laptop was not noticed for quite some time. It then took several hours to eliminate the possibility that the laptop had been put "somewhere safe". This involved checking on top of cupboards, in the freezer, behind mattresses, under beds and other well known Hermann "safe spots".

Finally the trail led outside and sure enough, there were footprints up the wall and the discarded coathanger wire that our thief had used to force open the window. We can only assume that the presence of a pregnancy impaired bladder spooked the burglar therefore saving the DSTV box from a similar fate.

Hermann has now spent the week transforming the house into Fort Knox. We have a delightful trim of razor wire decorating the top of our perimeter wall and the windows have locks top and bottom to stop the catches being forced. The front flower beds have even been planted with spikey plants! Every man and his dog is now phoning to check on me while Hermann is away and I have strict instructions to put on the alarm and press the big red panic button should I require any assistance during the night.

Nevertheless, the following questions immediatly popped into my brain:
1) Will the Chubb Security Man pop round to take the very stiff bath plug out of the bath?
2) How adept is he at catching naughty bunnies?
3) Is it an emergency if I can´t reach to put my shoes and socks on?

Answers on a postcard please......