Persona Non Grata

I am fed up with being an illegal alien - while Pretoria takes 6 weeks to process my temporary residency visa, the banks have stopped all my bank cards - AGAIN! Luckily the Bank of Hermann is always open.

Its All Over....

Our last game (Holland v Japan);
Kath, Jonny & Hannah are back in the UK;
Bafana Bafana have been knocked out......

and we're all looking a little bit worse for wear: the car flags are tatty frayed rags; the vuvuzelas are sticky (that would be from the beer) and we all need to catch up on 10 days of sleep ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

You know your parking is bad.....

When the car guard tells you that you drive like Mugabe!

Round 2

Barely enough time had passed for the shin splints to recover and the next game was upon us: Switzerland versus Spain. The walk down the hill was a little more subdued second time around - mainly because we were all sporting drink related injuries from the previous game. My peg leg was playing up; Kath has a dodgy back from sleeping (passing out) funny; Jonny's tummy was still feeling delicate (he wins the prize for loudest vomit) and Hermann had already had 4 beers. Nevertheless, we sampled the hospitality of the local shebeen - Cha Cha's - before heading to the game. The stadium was mostly filled with Durbanites supporting Spain in a wide variety of costumes and accessories. Beaded flag earrings seem to be all the rage - while many of the younger female fans seemed to be wearing slightly less clothing that one would imagine was appropriate for a winter's evening in Durbs....perhaps on the hope of catching a roving Spanish eye or two. Jonny, Kath and Hermann were all nominally supporting Spain, whereas a tenuous link to an acquaintance of Brenda's (the Annique lady) meant that I was full on supporting Switzerland. Unfortunately, the closest thing I had to Swiss colours was my red and white Take That t-shirt. Turns out it was very appropriate with Switzerland beating the Spaniards 1-nil.

After the game we braved the cold to hustle our way into Udo's Fan Park at Suncoast, in the mistaken belief that we would stand for an hour and a half before the Bafana Game even started. 3 samosas were not enough to persuade us to stay. A mere 15 minutes, one beer and a pee later and we were caught sneaking out. Oh well, at least we successfully managed to persuade taxi driver Tammi to drive us back up to Morningside via Durban North to avoid the road closures. He even did a tour of the bottle shops so that we could stock up with more beer. Hermann did us proud and managed to procure a case of Windhoek and 2 packets of crisps well after closing time.

Benedicta was a bit surprised to see us home early - mainly cos the kids were still up and forcing her to undergo some serious medical procedures involving a plastic doctors kits and a lot of imagination. It took us just under 10 minutes to clear downstairs of all little people and settle down to watch the game. I'd like to be able to report first hand on the local reaction to a 3-nil defeat and red-carded goalie....but I was asleep on the sofa well before the first goal was scored. Oh well, there's still hope.....slightly more subdued....ayoba....

AYOBA!

We haven't partied this hard in a long time!!!! Whoo hoo!!!! We started the week with the Germany v Australia game, and walked down to Suncoast to soak up the atmosphere and drink a few beers. The Australians were rowdier and armed with inflatable kangaroos. The Natal Germans were also well represented - pretty much everyone was at the game. Coert had the best horn, but I reckon I get extra marks for making my minivuvu sound the Last Post. We popped into the Fan Park to grab a killer boere roll...and another beer or two..and to check out the obligatory portaloos which were surprisingly still in a fairly sanitary condition. Di, Ronin, Rob & Jen were also partying at the News Cafe at Suncoast where drinking thru a vuvzela became mandatory.

The atmosphere at the game was amazing - as was the stadium itself. And we had lots to cheer as Germany beat the Ozzies with a convincing 4-0 victory. The 8 pints we had (by now) consumed meant that the stagger back up the hill is a pretty hazy memory. But stopping at Billy's for more beer seemed like a good idea at the time. Kath & I deserted the boys and attempted to get home without a key. Funnily enough, Benedicta either didn't hear us ringing the doorbell, or was hiding under the bed in fright, scarred for life from her last 'robbery in progress/armed response' sleepover (see Hermann's 40th b'day for further details). This meant that the call of the killer boere had to be answered behind the big pile of builders sand standing outside next door's building site....much like a gigantic pile of cat litter.... I'm not proud, but secretly very pleased, its revenge for the theft of my Scotland flag!!!!

○======<() ♪♫♪♫♪ AYOBA !!!

Vuvuzela Power

Durban is sooooooooooooooooo hyped up for the World Cup. We have a fantastic new stadium; the beachfront has been completely upgraded; and the whole nation (except Benedicta who thinks we're all mad) has gone football crazy.

Today at 12pm everyone came out onto the street and blew their vuvzelas to show support for Bafana Bafana. All their cars blew their horns and Durban was pumping. It was so cool - everyone has flags on their cars and we were making so much noise. Anya, Sienna and I tooted all the cars on our way home from school.

Tomorrow we go to the airport to pick up Kath, Jonny and Hannah - we're going to meet them fully kitted up in our Bafana shirts, makarabas, silly specs and flags, vuvuzelas tooting loudly when they walk through those doors.

Sunday is our first game - Germany v Australia. We're going to the beachfront Fan Park before the game. World Cup fever - Bring it on!!!!!

Its All A Load of Old Blarney.....

Now, night life in Durban doesn't have a patch on Glasgow, but I think I may have sunk to an all time low with THE BLARNEY BROTHERS at.....wait for it.....the German Club. I know, an odd combination, but despite being warned that the Blarney Brother's were in their 70's and needed more intervals than Tom Jones, I decided to go with an open mind. My open mind evaporated the minute I let Hermann drink and volunteered to drive home. This is NOT the sort of evening that you want to experience sober.

Here follows a quick run down on the criteria for song choice:

1) No song to have been a hit post 1979
2) All songs to have actions (does anyone reading this actually remember the Superman move?)
3) Chorus must be interspersed with 'a hoo hoo'
4) Shamrock shaped guitar riffs (a la the Shadows) are an absolute necessity

Also witnessed during the course of the evening:

1) Ladies of a certain age dirty dancing their way up a table - its just not polite to try and hump someone while they are attempting to drink their beer!
2) A congo line of determined Boers 'Marching to Pretoria'
3) Not to leave the next war out - 300 Germans singing their hearts out for Dame Vera Lynn
4) The Birdie Song oder Die Ente Tantzen - and I thought that only the Brits were daft enough?
5) 300 Germans singing Irish rugby songs as if their hearts would break should they not find themselves imminently on Irish soil once more.

All I can say was that it was horrifying but strangely compelling at the same time. And towards the end of the evening I may even have been guilty of joining in with the YMCA, and of singing Flower O' Scotland very loudly (including the FU which went down like a lead balloon - it was a church fundraiser oops).

All in all, I'm not entirely sure what this evening has taught me on the anthropological make up of modern South Africa. The 300 German/Irish/South Africans sang 'Give Me Hope Joanna' and 'Marched to Pretoria' with equal amounts of enthusiasm. Maybe the answer is that bad music and beer know no boundaries. There is only one burning question left outstanding though: surely the Blarney Brothers should be first on the Home Affairs hit list?